Types of weddings, Having trouble planning!?
My fiance is not a catholic, does believe in God, but hates catholic services. I am catholic, not a dedicated church go-er, however, it seems my family would really like for me to be married by a catholic priest in a church. The problem is my fiance does not want a mass. Just wants to be married. No catholic mass, is her one wish. This is her day, so I was wondering what options I had. Do you get to request the type of wedding that is performed or do I need to search else where for a different type of wedding that isn’t involved in the catholic faith or church. My best friends mom is a pastor (shes out of town or I would have talked to her), so I think that is an option. How long would a traditional catholic wedding be? How long would a wedding be with no mass? Thank you so much if you can answer all the questions I’ve included.
Since she’s not a Catholic you can request that you only have a wedding service and not the full Nuptial Mass. Without Mass the whole service takes about thirty minutes but it depends on the readings and blessing that you choose.
But there are other requirements for a non-Catholic to marry a Catholic that you should be aware of. The non-Catholic would have to agree to attend a pre-marriage course (these tend to not be overly religious, but some religion is mention especially where contraception is concerned), they’d also have to promise not to prevent you from practising as a Catholic and not to prevent you from raising the kids Catholic (and the church asks that the kids be raised Catholic).
If you want your friends’ mom to perform the service then there are more hoops for you to jump through if you want it to valid in the church as well. You can apply to the bishop for a dispensation of form but this generally is only granted if you’re choosing to get married in your fiance’s church. You can ask a priest to attend and bless your union as well but the other officiant will do most of the talking. You’d need to talk to the priest about the specific details of your diocese.
I would suggest that you and your fiance go talk to a priest about all of this. Just talking to him does not mean that you’re committing to anything but he is really the best person to advise you about the specifics of your diocese.
Good luck.
February 14th, 2010 at 7:28 pm
You may be able to request a catholic priest to perform the service with certain parts removed, as a compromise. However, I would imagine that this would be difficult to find, since it would be like asking a priest to compomise on their religion.
All the ceremonies I’ve been to last for anywhere from 20 minutes to 1 hour. Really depends on the priest and if they’re a talker.
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February 14th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
the one quote you said that i absolutly hate about weddings it that its not JUST the girls day its both… im engaged and will be getting married next year… im encorporating as much of his taste as i am mine… sometimes i have to sacrafice what i like for him and vice versa but i dont want EVERYTHING to be about me… heck, if i wanted that it would be my birthday ya know… just ask her if she could have like at least that much for you and she could do whatever else, but you have to want it too.. but if its only your family that wants it… your doing it for the wrong reasons YOU need to be a little selfish here too… its your day too
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February 14th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
OK….everyone thinks that a Catholic wedding is soooo long and boring and perhaps, (to some) with a Mass, it is. But, you do NOT have to have a Mass.
I didn’t – 32 years ago!
Neither did my daughter – 10 years ago!
Neither did my son – 3 years ago!
It is all very quick – 20 to 30 minutes MAX, which is the EXACT SAME length as any other (non-Catholic) wedding that I have been to!
So….go ahead and have your Catholic wedding, just do not have a Mass. No big deal. It will be all of 20 minutes (or 30 if you have the unity candle/solos). Mine was exactly 20 minutes because I was married back in the late 1970’s before any unity candles, etc. were done.
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Lifelong Catholic.
February 14th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Although I am not catholic my fiance is. Like your fiance I to do not like catholic masses. We are getting married without the mass and not in a church. The service will last 30 minutes and be in our local park. So just ask her and talk about things. I think with communication you two can work this out. Good luck!
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February 14th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
Since she’s not a Catholic you can request that you only have a wedding service and not the full Nuptial Mass. Without Mass the whole service takes about thirty minutes but it depends on the readings and blessing that you choose.
But there are other requirements for a non-Catholic to marry a Catholic that you should be aware of. The non-Catholic would have to agree to attend a pre-marriage course (these tend to not be overly religious, but some religion is mention especially where contraception is concerned), they’d also have to promise not to prevent you from practising as a Catholic and not to prevent you from raising the kids Catholic (and the church asks that the kids be raised Catholic).
If you want your friends’ mom to perform the service then there are more hoops for you to jump through if you want it to valid in the church as well. You can apply to the bishop for a dispensation of form but this generally is only granted if you’re choosing to get married in your fiance’s church. You can ask a priest to attend and bless your union as well but the other officiant will do most of the talking. You’d need to talk to the priest about the specific details of your diocese.
I would suggest that you and your fiance go talk to a priest about all of this. Just talking to him does not mean that you’re committing to anything but he is really the best person to advise you about the specifics of your diocese.
Good luck.
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Life-long Catholic who recently married a non-Catholic, we didn’t have a full Nuptial Mass.
February 14th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
The thing you need to be careful about is what this taps into. If your parents are deadset on a Catholic wedding, I’d think anything else would be a huge disappointment to them, whether it’s in a church or under a gazebo somewhere. And that’s what is complicated, because the non-Catholics I know who have married Catholics in the church all have had to take classes and promise to bring up any kids as Catholics, whether mass was said or not. I think this varies from parish to parish, but this might be your "out" with your parents. There’s a big difference in importance between a ceremony that runs too long vs promising to raise kids a certain way, and your parents would hopefully understand this. If they don’t, that’s where your problem lies.
I know this is easier said than done, but I honestly think in these situations, especially since it isn’t an issue with you, that you and your bride decide on the wedding details and ask your parents to support the decision.
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